blein: sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...
best-of-funny: dokiis: yesididbringmydog: okay sit down all you hoes and bitches have i got a story for you i was talking this here picture when my dad walked into the room and i managed to get the exact moment and in that moment, i made eyecontact with my father and saw all hope for his child leave his eyes. Did you steal that? X
collectyourhearts: the difference between pizza and your opinion is that i asked for pizza
swanepeols: coldcoffeh: when you’re so pale that your bare legs reflect sunlight and shine bright like diamonds shine bright like a white kid
lvysaur: sluttyoliveoil: lvysaur: lvysaur: when i say peeka you say boo peeka chu shut the fuck up
smilingemoticon: nayx: a show about a teenager
lucifersblog: d3florate: psychoprism: yoloween: hail satan rain satan snow satan tomorrow there is a 90% chance of precipisatan it’ll be foggy in the morning, lots of condensatan OK, when you guys get down here to hell, give the doorman your URLs and I’ll get you VIP treatment. You guys are alright.
insert-awesome-title-here: jensensparkles: adrimnzr: ruffalowildwings: lilcalcifer: we found love in a mildly disappointing place now you’re just somebody that i know by first name tonight, we are average age i walk this fairly populated road carry on my adequately well-adjusted son
slenclerman: reblog if youve ever been called -bread -oprah winfrey -pianist -cake pan
officialdogblog: you is kind, you is smart, you is important,
14th2: aiclan: afrogay: if i die my funerals gonna be the biggest fucken party and you’re all invited if great, the only party ive ever been invited to and he might not even die
rubywhiterabbit: calderonbeta: feralcastiel: can you imagine if twitter existed in the 1800s abe lincoln tweeting shit like “wow this play sucks just shoot me” too soon HE WAS SHOT IN 1865
psychoticpingouins: 48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.
jawnn-locked: adiostoreadontcare: turntechtier: jawnn-locked: turntechtier: jawnn-locked: the okay gatsby the mediocre gatsby the you could have done better gatsby the terrible gatsby The -you did great but not oscar award winning great- gatsby
tuucker: isis-: noahstillsversustheworld: everyone I know or follow on tumblr is either a good artist, writer, cosplayer, gifmaker, photoshopper, attractive or just… amazing and I sit here like Is that a… A platypus …with 6 legs?? that’s lotad you uncultured shit
americugh: When a cute boy sneezes I don’t say bless u because I see that god already has
fakehighschoolboyfriend: a musical entitled “may, senior year” filled with hits such as: “i never knew you wanted to join the military” “why are you getting married” “that’s an awful tattoo” “what am i doing for the rest of my life” “how will i afford deodorant in college” “why can’t i graduate already” “why can’t i graduate already (reprise): why am i graduating already”
jacyndaquil: IM GOING HOST
frickquius: frickquius: when i was younger i always used to think what if everyone who isnt me is just like a game npc and im the only one who makes choices and thinks and stuff and everyone else is just programmed to be exactly who they are with no ability to change or think otherwise idk so it turns out i was an existentialist when i was 5 years old
vriksaserket: someone called me fat today at school because i was eating chips in math class so i looked at them, then to my bag of chips, then poured the rest of the bag inside my mouth and without breaking eye contact, pulled out another bag from my backpack and kept eating
dave-vriska: jacklullaby: jacklullaby: unfollower: men should take advantage of the lack of dress code rules set for guys and wear mini skirts and tank tops to school every day OH MY GOD LAST YEAR THE DUDES ON MY CLASS HAVE DONE IT AND THEY GOT ALL CALLED IN THE PRINCIPAL’S ROOM BUT THEY DIDNT GOT IN TROUBLE BECAUSE THEY SAID EXACTLY IT “BUT THOSE RULES ARE ONLY FOR GIRLS” I’M NOT...
rabioheab: my one dream is to travel back in time to the middle ages and bring some large speakers and loudly play a skrillex song and watch everyone freak the fuck out